Are we talking about the sirens? The freaky shipwrecking seductresses calling to sailors? This is getting terrifying. Is it the rainbow? Is the rainbow calling you? Why? What does it want? Or maybe it’s the Devil? What’s happening? Am I high right now? I heard them… calling my name.” That’s fucking creepy is what it is. That’s some hypnagogic hallucination type of shit right there. Still don’t know what we’re hoping to find. Stargazing is cool? Stargazing is stupid? Wishing is for assholes? What’s so amazing that keeps us star-gazing…? Can’t it just be like, y’know, stars? Stars are cool.īack to the chorus again. Are we supposed to wish for things? Or not wish for things? Is this a war between the Morning Star and the Rainbow? Are we trying to get those two to connect? Come together, like the Beatles sang? Because now it sounds like you’re just making shit up. Who? Who thought of that? Who believed it? And what has it done? I dunno, shut up and just don’t worship the Devil.” LUCIFER? Morningstar and Lightbringer? Is this song advocating Satanism? Or is it trying to teach us to turn away from the Devil’s wiles? “Oh, sure, Old Scratch will tell you that he’ll listen to and answer your every wish, but then he’ll stick a trident up your butt and remove your soul through your anus. Though, now that I re-read it - “morning star?” Morningstar? Isn’t that a title of… Just shut up and get to wishing already.” Could be a giant Space Manatee for all I know.

You want something, you gotta wish on the morning star. Okay, I don’t know that anybody ever said that. But Kermit isn’t a dreamer? Really? How sad for the gangly frog. Because then he’s going to be (alert, incoming pun) porking Miss Piggy, and I don’t need to see that outside of an early Peter Jackson film. Now, given that the singer is generally a frog made of felt, I’m comfortable not imagining him as a lover. Lovers cannot be dreamers and vice versa, and further, the singer identifies as neither of those things. In case that wasn’t entirely clear.”Īlso: saying, “The lovers, the dreamers, and me,” indicates that these are three distinct entities. He’ll hook you up with the real rainbow connection, if you know what I mean. Someday we’ll find “it.” Find what? What the fuck is a rainbow connection? What does it connect? Is it a bridge? A Delta flight? A drug connection? “Yo, you wanna get high, you gotta see my man Jimmy the Skeev down under the overpass. And then what happens, man? THEN WHAT HAPPENS.” Because one day the rainbows are coming to come for us all. I’m stocking up on ammo and so should you. You think rainbows aren’t real but I’m here to tell you they’re real as you and me, man. All that shit you thought you know about rainbows? LIES TOLD BY BRAINWASHED SCIENTISTS. What? What’s happening? Rainbows aren’t just illusions? This is starting to sound like a crazy person’s conspiracy theory about rainbows. Rainbows are hiding the shit out of leprechauns. Wizard of Oz had Munchkins, a thinly-veiled metaphor for an unruly host of leprechauns hoarding gold in the form of a “yellow brick road.” Filthy little fair folk! Greedy little Rumpleforeskins.)Įxcept leprechauns. “Over the Rainbow.” Do we possess a secret canon of rainbow songs? More specifically, how many songs about rainbows do we have where the song ponders what’s on the other side of said rainbow? (We know what’s on the other side, by the way: goddamn leprechauns. Right up front I’m forced to ask: are there that many songs about rainbows? I can think of… mmm, one other one.

I mean - Rockabye Baby? In the tree-tops? Wind blows, cradle rocks, baby falls out of tree? Why was the baby in the tree in the first place? Who puts a cradle up there? Ben Franklin? Nikola Tesla? And why are we singing songs about babies falling out of trees as a means to get babies to sleep? Is there a subtle threat in there? “You don’t fall asleep, I’m going to stick your bediapered ass in a tree and you better hope the wind doesn’t knock your chubby cheeks to the forest floor, kid.

Thing is, as you start to sing songs to your kids, you start listening to the lyrics. One such track: “The Rainbow Connection.” As sung by The Muppets.Īnd, as sung by me. In the process, I’ve got a few mix CDs I play in the car with kid-friendly tunes (They Might Be Giants is particularly delightful in this regard). Yes to Kermit! No to Barney the Dinosaur. Having a Tiny Human in the house (now ten months old!), I’m slowly steeping him in the warm waters of approved pop culture goodness, which means it is time for a slow but ever-increasing dose of things like The Muppets.

Rainbow connection lyrics